A week ago, I chopped off all my hair. I admit, this action did follow the breakup between me and my boyfriend of one year. Did I come off as a confused teen who took out all her emotional confusion on her hair? For some people, the thought was probably considered!
But that’s ok! Why? Because that’s not why I made the decision to cut my hair, and I refuse to identify myself by the circumstances that bring me down from time to time.
But a year ago, I did allow this to happen. I was trapped in my depression and refused to accept the love and grace that Jesus was pouring out on me because I thought myself unworthy. Unfortunately, I made some poor decisions and harmed myself because of the way I saw myself. I even allowed myself to believe that none of my friends truly loved me, and that they only tolerated me.
These thoughts and actions have wounded me, and I still struggle with my true worth every so often. But now, I identify as a daughter of the Most High King. I realize that Jesus established my worth so many years ago when He gave His life for me on the cross. And not only was He nailed to this cross, but He was beaten, whipped, oppressed, scorned, spit at, stabbed, and punctured by unforgiving thorns made into a crown and pressed into His head. My Jesus made this sacrifice for me and for you. How dare I attempt to lessen the meaning of His sacrifice by calling myself worthless just because I struggle with anxiety and depression.
Yes, I do realize I just went from breakups and haircuts to Jesus’ sacrifice for us on the cross, BUT when the Holy Spirit speaks, you let Him speak through you.
So, back to the matter of hair loss! I made the decision to cut my hair from a length below my shoulders to just above my ears because I felt it necessary in order to accompany the change I want to bring on in my life. Not to mention, my ends were horrifying and had to go! However, to sum up the aforementioned change, I’ve decided I need to take more risks.
Here’s my personality checklist that runs through my head during the day:
- SPEAK UP instead of staying quiet out of fear of what others will think.
- Start conversations with people you don’t normally converse with.
- Don’t trail off when uncomfortable during conversation, be confident!
- Again, be confident! And when you aren’t, fake it until it feels natural.
- Look for and encourage those that struggle and seem nervous or upset.
- Pride yourself in what makes you unique! Nobody likes a copycat!
- Most importantly, rely on God first instead of yourself. Trust Him!
After all, I would never be able to make these changes without trusting God to help me do it. It is always most important that whatever I do is done for Him and by Him. My “ex-boyfriend” and best friends are also major sources of support in all of this. It sounds weird, I know, but that’s an explanation for another post.
My advice to you? Hair grows back, and if you feel its time for a change start there! Cutting my hair gave me the confidence to start anew, and I’m so grateful to those who encouraged me and complimented me on the decision. I’ve been told many times that it “just fits you”. With humility, I dare to agree because I feel more like me than ever before. I am a unique young woman who is branching away from what’s expected. It feels right.